I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
