just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
