Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
