Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
