fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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