Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
