Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
