She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize