I met the friendliest cop last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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