You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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