Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
