My nipple is on Facebook.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
