No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
