I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
