I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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