I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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