then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My bed smells like the plague
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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