i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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