Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
