D3 body, D1 cock
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
