No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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