Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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