i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize