We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
