you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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