I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Couch. On fire.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize