you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
