did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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