Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We just shotgunned beers for America
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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