it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
