i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
