I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
