this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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