I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
