Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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