I think im going to throw up on grandma
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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