He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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