Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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