Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sarcasm needs its own font
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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