also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
