I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
