clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
