Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
