Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
