you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
