cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
