I love black thongs
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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