I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
