You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
