Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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