where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
