this beer tastes like vomit already
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
