Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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