so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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