Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.