i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.