I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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