Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight