I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested