i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
