he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
