im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
