I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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