I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
