WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
