brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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