real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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