walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
