we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
