At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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