Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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