the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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