Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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