Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
