I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
