you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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